The Top 7 Signs of Self-Sabotaging Behaviors (and what to do about them)

Article by Terri Levine
CoachingInstruction.com

Having trouble reaching all your goals? Going for what you want but feeling like something is road-blocking the way? Finding yourself *not* doing some of the things you know you should be doing?

You may be a victim of sabotage---self-sabotage. How do you know, and what can you do about it? Read on and see.

1. Focusing on what is not working or not right.

Problem: Finding that you think a lot and speak a lot about what is going wrong can make you feel dissatisfied and can quiet your sense of purpose and ambition. Notice how often you speak about things that aren't working.

Action: Ask yourself a new question: "What's going right?" or "What IS working?" Begin to notice all the things, no matter how small, that are working well. Keep an evidence journal and each day write down everything, I do mean everything, that is working. Change your way of thinking!

2. Being stuck in fear.

Problem: Do you worry a lot about the future and what is going to happen or might happen? Are you thinking about your fears so much that you are paralyzed and take no action because of fear of what might occur?

Action: It is time to put your focus on the present. We can't control or predict the future or other people's behaviors. All we can control is our own, right here, right now. Ask yourself the question "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Then, let go and know that it isn't in your hands to control the future and that rarely do the scenarios we create in our heads occur. Use the wonderful Serenity Prayer and actually write down the things you can not change, the things you want courage to change, and accept that the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you call it, is the ultimate guide and you are not able to control the future. Relax, breathe and trust that the Universe will take care of you - it always does.

3. Feeling you have no value.

Problem: Do you forget all your accomplishments and lack pride in who you are and what you have accomplished? If you stew and obsess about the past or your lack of success or lack of goal achievement, then you'll be stuck in noticing how much you lack as a person. If you often criticize yourself or can't accept compliments, you aren't allowing yourself to love yourself.

Action: You can choose to notice what you do that is good and that you can be proud of, no matter how small it may seem. Each day keep a log of what you are grateful for about YOU. When you hear your "inner coach" or inner voice telling you what you haven't done right or well, turn down the volume on it and turn on the volume to hear the voice that knows the TRUTH about who you are and how you add value to the world. Acknowledge yourself for at least 5 things each and every day that you did well. Each day, compliment yourself on something you did that you feel good about. Notice your small successes and let compliments others give you flow into your bones.

4. Comparison of self to others.

Problem: Do you constantly compare yourself to others and then feel badly when compared to them? Comparison doesn't motivate us to do more or be better, instead it makes us feel we'll never be good enough and we aren't right now.

Action: Write out the 5 qualities you like best about yourself. Then write out what you value most in your life. When you go to a place of comparison, notice how similar you are with the other person vs. what is different. Begin to create a list of adjectives that describe you - at least 25 positive words about your greatness. Whenever you notice yourself in a comparison mode, think of some of the adjectives that describe YOU.

5. Meeting goals and then losing them.

Problem: Do you not believe that you deserve to accomplish goals and that you are entitled to what you want? What is the story underneath - maybe that you aren't good enough to have it?

Action: List all the things you have accomplished that then faded away. Simply notice these things with love and pride and don't focus on the fact they disappeared. How did they bring you satisfaction? How did they make you feel? What is the limiting belief that you have that tells you inside why you can't have what you want? Be quiet, be still and listen to it. Write down how you felt when you had accomplished the goal. Write down how you feel now, without the goal. Then write a "bridge belief": A very, very small belief that feels a little bit better than what you now feel. Each week, create a new bridge, that you can really believe. By using these bridges as stepping-stones, you'll shift your limiting beliefs slowly and be on the other side of the bridge and able to maintain it because you will have a new belief inside of you.

6. You chase away relationships.

Problem: Do you always feel something is missing in your relationships or find fault with the other person? Perhaps you are afraid of intimacy. Underneath this is usually a fear of abandonment or exposure that causes you to distance yourself from others.

Action: Create a list of the qualities you value in a relationship and the qualities you want to attract in your partners. Cultivate connections you have with people. Express what you want and don't want to the other person and allow them to express the same to you. Create time to acknowledge the other person on a regular basis. Notice when you feel afraid and let the fillings be - accept them and allow them to sit there. Don't try to push them away. Know that the feelings are there and that is fine. Focus on what feels good about the relationship.

7. Having no purpose.

Problem: Do you feel you have no reason for being? No purpose in life? We all have some purpose for being on the planet and it is time to notice yours.

Action: Write down all the things that are important to you (include possessions, people and feelings). Then write out what you want to contribute to the world. From your writing, create a statement of purpose for yourself that you can read each and every day. Add spirituality to your life. Give to others, give to the world and feel great about it. Make regular contributions to people and community. To give is to receive. Give, give, give and you'll feeeeeel your life purpose begin to resonate.